How to Build Deeper Relationships with Your Team
There are many so-called leaders out there but what makes for great leadership? How do some leaders really stand out from the crowd these days?
You know exactly what I mean if you’ve been fortunate enough to be led by someone who truly GETS IT, gets you and gets your team.
They’re always looking out for their people - inherently taking care of them, removing obstacles in their way, and making sure they feel valued for the work that they do.
They make smart, thoughtful decisions that put everybody in the best possible position to succeed.
They build a team culture around cornerstones such as trust, transparent communication and authenticity.
Leaders like that have a unique way of creating an atmosphere where their people want to do a good job to avoid disappointing them and the team.
So - how do they do it?
Given how rare it is, there’s got to be some sort of magic potion, right?
Or maybe there’s an academy out there spawning these incredible leaders in a lab?
Okay, I admit it…
Both of these are clearly a stretch of the imagination.
It’s actually a lot more straightforward than you might think.
A hallmark of these leaders’ approaches is often an unwavering commitment to building deeper, meaningful relationships with their team.
That’s the trick (if that can be called a trick).
By looking for ways to connect with their people beyond the normal hierarchical, transactional lines that have been drawn between roles, leaders like this will drive extraordinary results.
For their people.
For their team.
For their organization.
For pretty much everybody who comes into their orbit.
Leaders like this recognize that a genuine, invested approach allows the team to feel safe and comfortable making them more willing to share their ideas and feedback openly. This sense of safety creates a space where true collaboration occurs, and where accountability feels less like punishment, more like kindness and just the way things ought to be.
Now, building these deeper relationships isn’t always easy - and may not come naturally to many.
I have good news for you; there are some simple strategies that you can start using today to try to strengthen those bonds.
We’ll look to explore the ‘why’ as we make our way through the ‘how’ - but I expect you’ll start to see the benefits of creating more meaningful relationships with your team as we dive deeper.
People first, job title second
One of the best ways to show your employees that you’re invested in more than just their output on the job is to, well... show a sincere interest in them!
Seems obvious to say, but it’s surprising to me the number of leaders who resist the idea of getting to know their employees as individuals, as human beings. Don’t just ask about how they are doing. Get curious and ask about their weekends, about their families and about their interests outside of work although inquiring about their career aspirations is also an important piece of building deeper relationships.
Now, of course there are lines that shouldn’t be crossed and certainly, some leaders are more naturally inclined to build those more personal connections than others. My advice, trust your intuition, get vulnerable and open up about yourself as well - this will help build trust.
By developing deeper, less superficial relationships with your employees, you’re creating a psychologically safe space where they can be their true selves (and, frankly, you can be a more authentic leader).
This leads to honest conversations about how they feel about the work they’re doing, about their strengths and opportunities for growth, about their career goals and their objectives within your company.
I have always subscribed to the notion of ‘people first, job title second.’
Especially right now, I would argue that there has never been a more important time to engage your team on a more personal level.
When you create that circle of trust with your employees, by modeling vulnerability, you unlock a willingness in them that is otherwise hard to come by. By focusing on the human side of things, you’ll make employees want to achieve the best possible results for you and the team. In their mind, they won’t want to let you down.
As leaders, sometimes we fall into bad habits or take shortcuts instead of putting in the time to really get to know our people. Years ago, I noticed that one of my employees was constantly nodding off during our monthly 3:00pm team meetings.
No matter what was going on, regardless of how much energy and engagement I brought to the table… zzzzzzzzzzzz.
I couldn’t stop thinking about why this employee was so unfocused and clearly disinterested in what I and his colleagues had to say. My manager chalked it up to his usual behaviour and that he would never change.
So, despite being armed with my preconceived notions (and some that weren’t even my own), I scheduled a meeting with him. I came out of the gate strong with my notions and clearly he wasn’t responding to my approach. I’m not sure what took over but I replaced my notions with curiosity. I asked him questions about his level of focus and why he had been falling asleep so regularly during our meetings.
Before I knew it, he explained his situation at home where he was getting limited sleep due to having young children and a spouse who worked overnights. He was the “homework, dinner, bath, bedtime” guy - AND the “alarm clock, outfits picked, lunches packed, drop kids off at school” guy…He also shared that he had a weekend gig that was not only earning him some extra money but that was also his passion for DJing. All these details, painted a more holistic picture of what was going on.
All it took was me following the ‘people first, job title second’ mantra and voilà - the situation made much more sense. After taking the time to build more of a rapport with my employee, he felt comfortable opening up about his personal situation and in turn, I found a way to adjust the meeting time to be more accommodating and understanding for both him and his teammates.
I certainly learned a lesson facing this particular situation.
And with many more years of leadership experience under my belt, I now know that the best leaders recognize the opportunity that lies within each challenge they face. Whether you’re new to your leadership role or a seasoned pro, it’s important to remember that leading others is a never-ending journey of learning and self-development.
Walking the talk
One of the basic fundamentals of effective leadership is that you shouldn’t ask your team to do anything you wouldn’t be willing to do yourself.
If I’m not setting the example, or walking the talk for my employees to see, how on earth can I expect them to?
As a leader, if you’re looking to build deeper relationships with your team, it’s extremely important that you follow the same guidelines that you set out for them.
If you want your team to reach the expectations you’ve set for them, you’ve got to model the behaviours you want to see.
One way to think about this that I find effective is that you should be treating your employees the way you want them to treat your customers.
Depending on your industry, that could mean a lot of things and take shape in a lot of different ways. But little things like putting in a lot of face time, checking in on them, asking them how they are and if there’s anything that you - as their leader - can help them with today… these are all ways that you’d want them to treat your customers, right?
So why not emulate that as a leader?
Here’s an example of this in action.
Throughout my career in the banking, the hotel and the airline industries, employee uniforms/dress code have been a huge piece of the customer experience equation. It sets the tone when your people are dressed professionally and helps make a great first impression. Customers will read a lot into your organization; it’s safety, it’s attention to detail, it’s level of service offered by how your employees present themselves.
But of course, sometimes employees misplace their ties.
Or someone spills something on their blazer.
Or they didn’t have a chance to pick up the dry cleaning.
These things happen, and when they happen with your team, you’ve got to approach the situation with understanding and care; always keeping an open mind. One of the best managers I had early on in my career always said that as a leader, you always want to see the big picture and not just a snapshot of the situation.
Imagine if every doctor automatically prescribed Advil to patients complaining of headaches?
Obviously their practice wouldn’t get very far if they failed to ask the right questions, listen to the answers and understand what is really going on at a deeper level.
It’s no different in your role as a leader. By giving your employees the benefit of the doubt, getting their insight about possible solutions, it shows them the power of shelving preconceived notions and being more receptive to feedback. In turn, this can translate into employees having a better approach with your customers.
At the end of the day, you’ve got to set an example for your employees that they can draw inspiration from - this includes you wearing the uniform or respecting the dress code as it is written, without deviation.
Don’t forget - as a leader, you’re accountable to the expectations that you set or that your organization sets!
Shhhh - listen
Can you hear that?
It’s silence.
Sweet, golden silence.
While on the face of it, letting your team do the talking might seem a tad counter-intuitive.
You’re the leader after all, right?
Well, truth be told, by taking the time to do more listening than talking, you’re tapping into a goldmine of what’s working, what’s not, how your team are feeling and perhaps more subliminally, how you’re performing as a leader.
Now, you might be thinking: Karine… how am I going to get my points across or steer the ship by listening?
Remember: it’s not about you, it’s about them.
Take your ego out of the equation and hear what your team is saying.
More importantly, hear what they aren’t saying.
And of course - be ready to take feedback as well! You’ve got to recognize that every team - no matter how exceptional - has its wrinkles. And every team has its obstacles to overcome. By removing your ego, you avoid becoming unnecessarily defensive towards things you may hear.
And when it comes to listening, it doesn’t stop at the ears, either.
It’s about your eyes. Your body language. How you react to what’s being said.
Another strategy that I’ve picked up throughout my career is being strategically silent.
I want you to try something during your next team meeting (especially ones involving any sort of brainstorming or feedback opportunity).
As your employees finish their thoughts, I want you to resist the urge to respond right away.
WAIT.
Let the silence ride.
By letting the conversation breathe, you avoid cutting off the next brainwave that your employee may be preparing to share. You may also create a little discomfort, which may prompt someone to share something that they may have otherwise kept to themselves.
To be clear, I’m not suggesting that you do anything manipulative. But you can see how listening attentively and purposefully can have its advantages.
When your employees speak, you want to pick up on their tone of voice and the specific words that they’re using. Try to resist the urge to formulate your next thought as they’re completing theirs.
It’s quite common these days, if you listen to conversations, that many people who appear to be listening are simply preparing to make their next point. That’s where the importance of asking questions and acknowledging certain thoughts or ideas being shared comes into play. This level of listening requires concentration and practice, but the benefits are obvious.